"Dale Earnhardt's death changed many lives this past year. It even changed his own." --ESPN's Rupen Fofaria.
BARNEY RUBBLE WAS HERE
"Someone put some time into this place. It reminded me of the Flintstones." --Marine Sergeant Charles Calfee after searching for Al-Qaida in Afghanistan's caves, some of which were concrete-reinforced and had elaborate irrigation systems.
STRAIGHT TALK EXPRESS...TO JAIL
"If you had these kids on your bus, you'd drink, too." --Calgary, Alberta school bus driver Marvin Franks, after police arrested him for driving his bus while drunk.
SO HIGH HE NEEDS OXYGEN
"My water bill's higher than Robert Downey Jr. on a Saturday night." --Gilbert, Ariz. mayor Steve Berman, during a town council discussion of water issues.
DID THEY FORGET TO TAKE THE TOWEL OFF HER HEAD, TOO?
"He's bald. Of course he wouldn't know the pain of having damaged hair." --Hong Kong resident Chu Ieu, speaking of the judge in her losing lawsuit against a hair salon. Chu asked for a Julia Roberts' hairdo, but claimed the salon made her look like Osama bin Laden.
V-8 ENGINE, 4-WHEEL DRIVE, TINTED WINDOWS. MOUNTED GRENADE LAUNCHERS OPTIONAL.
"Toyota is good for the Jihad." --Unnamed Afghan warlord, on the number of Toyota SUVs flooding the Pakistani city of Peshawar, on the Pakistan-Afghanistan border. U.S. forces gave Afghan warlords $200,000 payments in exchange for their support against the Taliban.
TITTY TORT
"The sole reason I paid $8.99 was for the alleged Anna pictorial. I bought it for a friend of mine, not to say I didn't take a peek at the pictures." --Miami lawyer Reed Stomberg, who filed a class action suit against Penthouse magazine for publishing fake pictures of tennis star Anna Kournikova.
DEAD BANG
"One act of necrophilia does not make him a necrophiliac." --Julie McDonald, lawyer for Sierra Vista resident John Camden Bibby, an autopsy assistant with the Cochise County Medical Examiner's office, who admitted fondling the corpse of a teen-age girl.
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
"I have seen many strange things...objects such as nails spat out. The devil told a woman that he would make her spit out a transistor radio and low and behold, she started spitting out a radio transistor." --Father Gabriele Amorth, one of the Catholic Church's leading exorcists
