The New Guy

Rated NR

Don't miss this chance of a lifetime of seeing high school's funny looking and twiggly thin ultimate loser get humiliated in front of the entire school when his penis is broken by an 80-year-old school librarian in a wheelchair. See idiotic prison inmates illogically help him try to transform from an ultra geek to a supposedly ultra chic, but have him still end up looking like a strung-out crack addict with big ears and an even bigger nose. Plus, if you act now, you'll see a dimwitted Olive Oil-esque counselor confuse his dreams of coolness with Tourette's syndrome and a brainwashed voluptuous pompom queen rattle nonsequiturs in her native Albanian tongue. And, as an added bonus, you will receive countless moronic film spoofs and absurd cameos of shameless has-beens all for the price of admission. See a Patton-ized pep talk, an Afro-wearing James Brown fan, Vanilla Ice as a temperamental sales clerk willing to body slam any customer and Lyle Lovett as a brace-face Michael Brady father-figure-type take a flaming marshmallow to the eye. Fortunately this limited offer won't last long, so see it while it thinks it's hot.

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