The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

Rated NR

This latest installment in director Peter Jackson’s planned 400-hour Tolkien trilogy is way, way better than the last one. Whereas its predecessor suffered from an episodic storyline and a lack of dramatic arc, this one is super-focused. The forces of evil, lead by the white wizard Saruman and the unseen god Sauron, have built a vast army of what appear to be pro-wrestlers. These wrestlers, armed with shields and swords and lots of Pokemon cards, are advancing upon the plains and cities of the good peoples of the world. Only the shockingly handsome Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen) and his daringly homosexual elf companion Legolas (Orlando Bloom) can lead the armies of the horse riders of Rohan against them. Lots of great, massive battle sequences, moving human moments, dwarf tossing and stuff that might best be called "abominations in the eyes of God" make this the finest fantasy movie of … well, maybe ever. Warning: this film depicts bare-footed Hobbits in "natural" settings.

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