This latest installment in director Peter
Jacksons planned 400-hour Tolkien
trilogy is way, way better than the last one.
Whereas its predecessor suffered from
an episodic storyline and a lack of
dramatic arc, this one is super-focused.
The forces of evil, lead by the white wizard
Saruman and the unseen god Sauron,
have built a vast army of what appear to
be pro-wrestlers. These wrestlers, armed
with shields and swords and lots of
Pokemon cards, are advancing upon the
plains and cities of the good peoples of
the world. Only the shockingly handsome
Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen) and his
daringly homosexual elf companion
Legolas (Orlando Bloom) can lead the
armies of the horse riders of Rohan
against them. Lots of great, massive
battle sequences, moving human
moments, dwarf tossing and stuff that
might best be called "abominations in the
eyes of God" make this the finest fantasy
movie of
well, maybe ever. Warning:
this film depicts bare-footed Hobbits in
"natural" settings.