GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE, DRAWINGS OF PEOPLE DO
Because of a campus regulation banning weapons, the caricature of Wilbur the Wildcat, UA's sports mascot, had to be stripped of firearms when depicted on T-shirts and other items.
NO, BRIAN, HE WAS A MARTIAN
The Arizona Daily Star identified the photograph of a man hiding behind a bush near Picacho as "apparently an illegal entrant." The man, along with several others carrying water jugs, had just stepped from a van. These men ran into the desert when the photographer tried to talk to them and the van sped off.
"Just because the photographer sees a Hispanic man jump from a van and hide under a bush does not mean the man is an illegal alien," complained reader Brian Laird.
TAKING LEAVE OF OUR CENSORS
The Minneapolis Star Tribune doesn't allow sportswriters to refer to the Cleveland Indians baseball team as the Cleveland Indians. To avoid offending Indians, they're called the Cleveland baseball team.
The Franklin Elementary School in Santa Monica, Calif. has banned the age-old game of tag during recess. "In this game there is an 'it,' which creates a self-esteem issue," said the school newsletter. "The oldest or biggest child usually dominates."
The Forest Service ordered David Knickerbocker to take down the 20-foot flagpole that has stood for 20 years outside his leased cabin in California's El Dorado National Forest. "If you're putting holes in the ground where Native Americans once resided, that needs an archaeological review," said a Forest Service spokesman.
BUT EVERYBODY ELSE JUST CALLS THEM LARD ASSES, MONKEY BUTT, JUMBO, THE MULTI-CHIN CROWD, HUMAN TANKS, BUFFET HOUNDS
Southwest Airlines said that large passengers had to buy two seats on their flights. A Southwest spokesman said, "We refer to them as customers of size."
NICE WHEELS, DUDES
Oregon's Eugene Register-guard reported the suspension of two boys who showed up at their middle school in Harrisburg "wearing a girl's cheerleader outfit, complete with a short skirt." School officials told the boys they were in violation of the dress code--not because they were wearing skirts, but because their skirts were too short.
WHY DON'T WE JUST SEND PLANES DOWN THERE TO PICK THEM UP AND FLY THEM TO THEIR CITY OF CHOICE?
The Washington Times reported that the families of 11 immigrants who died illegally crossing into Arizona from Mexico filed a $41 million claim against the federal government, saying its refusal to put water in the desert contributed to their deaths.
THE MOST POLITICALLY CORRECT NEWSPAPER IN AMERICA FINALLY FINDS A GROUP TO TRASH
"White people suck"--printed on the front page of the Arizona Daily Star's Accent section, in a story about restroom grafitti.