Green Valley Nov. 15, 3:15 p.m.
A drunk man on horseback shouldn't have gotten back in the saddle after falling off his steed and allegedly screaming some very offensive things at a female neighbor, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
When the neighbor called the Sheriff's Department in hysterics to report the incident, she wasn't making much sense, simply stating over and over, "He was on a pony and he cussed at me!"
When sheriff's deputies went to her rural Green Valley home to talk to her in person, she'd calmed down a bit and gave her whole story: She'd been minding her own business that afternoon when she saw one of her neighbors riding a pony, appearing intoxicated and holding a bottle of whiskey. When she saw him, she said, he started yelling curses at her—most of which were in Spanish, which she couldn't understand, but one of which was ascertained to be "whore."
Apparently, the reportee and her husband had previously had problems with this neighbor, who frequently crossed their land without permission to get to his friend's place.
When deputies found the subject at home, he admitted he'd recently been riding a pony but adamantly denied he'd cussed at the reportee, explaining that he'd just fallen off the pony and was cursing at himself because he'd "bruised his bottom"—and he just happened to be near the reportee's property at the time.
Unfortunately for this not-so-adept equestrian, after another neighbor backed up the reportee's story and deputies had to jail him.