September 18, 3:30 p.m.
A man came up with some pretty lame excuses when he was apprehended for (quite obviously) shoplifting a long list of items from a local Wal-Mart, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
When sheriff's deputies met with the man—held in custody by the store's loss-prevention employees—he actually said he was "happy" they were there, since the whole shoplifting thing was just a big misunderstanding.
He then told a lengthy, tangled tale about how he'd known security guards were watching him the whole time he'd been in the store, and he'd always intended to pay for all the items he'd been accused of stealing.
He stated that while he was shopping earlier, he lost contact with his girlfriend—who'd come with him—so he had Wal-Mart page her over the intercom directing her to meet him at the front of the store; he'd been waiting awhile for her when he suddenly saw her walk right past him, all the way to the store's doors. He said he didn't mean to, but he "lost track of what was going on" and began automatically walking toward her at the exit—still pushing a cart full of items—and was about halfway through the exit when security guards apprehended him.
He repeatedly insisted he'd meant to pay for the items and this was all an "accident"—despite the fact that some of the items he was accused of stealing he was in fact wearing, including a pair of shoes that he declared he'd planned to take off and pay for at the register, as if he'd perhaps just been trying them on for size. He said he'd walked into the store without shoes on.
A fishy explanation indeed, especially since he was also wearing an unpaid-for belt and pair of socks.
As it turned out, his statement about being glad to see law enforcement on scene was also extremely suspect, since he had a warrant out for his arrest for a previous misdemeanor.
He was handcuffed and taken to jail.