May 5, 10:27 p.m.
A man was found stumbling drunk up the middle of a busy street, against traffic—absolutely unfazed about his precarious position, a PCSD report stated.
Deputies found him walking unsteadily westbound on Continental Road in Green Valley, holding a mostly empty 40-ounce bottle of Steel Reserve malt liquor. Asked why he was engaging in such an inappropriate and dangerous behavior, he argued that "he did not think there was anything wrong with him walking and drinking beer." In fact, he said, "he was going to the store to get more."
When deputies specifically said they'd stopped him because local motorists were concerned he was being unsafe, the subject affirmed that he wasn't concerned at all.
Deputies gave him a citation for drinking in public (which he stolidly said "he did not care" about) and transported him home unharmed.