MORE HOSPITAL HIJINKS
FOOTHILLS AREA SEPT. 9, 1 A.M.
Hospital workers trying to care for a dangerously drunk man were paid back with death threats and blow-job demands, a Pima County Sheriff's Department report stated.
Sheriff's deputies responded to Northwest Hospital, where an ambulance had brought an extremely intoxicated man who'd bumped his head. The security guard who'd taken the man into the behavioral unit said that once given a bed, the patient suddenly jumped up and flailed his arms, apparently trying to punch the guard (but making no contact whatsoever). The patient then reportedly yelled that he was going to "kick everybody's ass," going further to state he'd "kill everybody." Once secured in three-point restraints, he started an incessant string of rants, obscenity and randomly targeted racial slurs.
The security guard, unscathed and unperturbed, didn't feel at all threatened by the subject's actions, saying, "It was just another night of work ... in the Behavioral Unit."
But one nurse felt a bit differently. She said when the man was first brought to her for medical assessment, he aggressively stated she "needed to suck his dick," then reiterated this as a suggestion that she really "should give him a blow job." The horrified nurse said "he should not be acting this way and she should be able to go to work and not have to deal with ... this."
When the subject was brought past the deputies, restrained in a wheelchair, he "hocked two loogies" at one of them, but "neither loogie or any type of spit" struck anybody.
Although most of the staff—like the guard—described the incident as "business as usual," deputies assured the upset nurse that the man would be jailed after hospital treatment.
THE BOY-BAND BURGLAR
SEPTEMBER 5, 10:44 P.M.
A grown woman's house was burglarized but nothing was taken except her prized tickets to a One Direction concert, according to a PCSD report.
The woman told deputies that she'd just noticed the tickets were missing from a hutch in her home's master bedroom. There were no signs of forced entry, but someone had apparently moved several large pieces of furniture to access them.
The woman said there were many items in her house that most burglars would've wanted more than boy-band tickets—like TVs, computers and other electronic devices—but nothing had been touched.
She'd had the tickets since December 2013, and they were for seats up in the seventh row, with a value of about $230.
But she declined to pursue investigation of any possible suspects, and no One Direction tickets in row 7 were found on Craigslist, so the case was closed. The reportee said her friends were going to the concert and would look around for the ticket thief.