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Police Dispatch

Gardeners, snakes and gender roles

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HE FOUND OUT THE SOFT WAY

FOOTHILLS AREA AUG. 28, 10:55 P.M.

A man learned—unfortunately, through his sense of touch—that his housemate had defecated on his floor, a PCSD report stated.

The man told a visiting deputy that a male acquaintance had been renting a bedroom in his house, and that evening, he'd left his room to allegedly buy cigarettes.

But when he didn't return for many hours, the reportee said, he peeked into the room and saw a puddle on the carpet—which he presumed was spilled soda, since it abutted numerous soda cans. But puddle was also near a soft "dark lump" of something, which the reportee couldn't identify ... until he prodded it with his finger.

After then realizing it was excrement, he was able to deduce (without touching) that the puddle was urine.

The deputy verified (also without touching) that the "lump" was indeed human feces.

Though the report was vague, we may conclude that the tenant had fled the home to avoid both shame and a cleaning fee. Deputies hadn't located the ostensible floor-pooper at the time of the report.

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