A DOO-DOO DON'T
APRIL 6, 11:48 P.M.
A man who used the bathroom in a Quik Trip convenience store pooped in a place meant for peeing, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
Store workers told deputies that a male customer had defecated in a urinal in the men's room (right room, wrong receptacle).
One employee said she'd seen the man wandering the aisles and believed him to be intoxicated or "on something." After finally buying some items, the man abandoned them at the register and headed toward the restrooms.
A male co-worker said a different man exited the men's bathroom and told him someone in there had started defecating in a urinal (quite nonchalantly, apparently). The co-worker entered the bathroom and saw that the man was indeed perched on a urinal and obviously emptying his bowels.
When told that he wasn't supposed to do that, the man sheepishly said, "Oh, I guess I better go to a stall." But he left the urinal full of feces.
Deputies found the man still in the store. He seemed confused when they detained him—in his word, "hassling" him.
When asked why he'd pooped in the urinal, the man said he thought he was sitting on a toilet. After he denied being drunk, one deputy told him, "A normal sober person would not be defecating in a urinal and would know better to use a bathroom stall."
The man replied that he had "made a mistake" and that he didn't understand why deputies were making a big deal of it. Later, he expressed shame, saying he knew that defecating into a urinal was a "stupid to do."
The urinal pooper then volunteered that he had recently smoked weed, and showed deputies a valid medical marijuana card. The report didn't address whether the marijuana was prescribed as a laxative.
Deputies cited the man for "recklessly defecating" and released him. A deputy photographed his poop for law-enforcement records.
MAY WE LOOK IN YOUR PANTS, MA'AM?
APRIL 5, 1:58 A.M.
A woman caught shoplifting at a Walmart had tried to hide what she was doing by stuffing more than a dozen items down her bright pink pants, a PCSD report said.
Security cameras recorded the subject, described as 40-something and overweight, putting more than a dozen items of clothing plus one DVD beneath her conspicuously colored slacks.
When confronted with the theft, she seemed remorseful, saying that she was very sorry and had "just made a bad choice."
She was arrested for shoplifting.