BAD HABITS WERE MADE TO BE BROKEN
SAN XAVIER BEAT
MARCH 11, 3:55 P.M.
A man's habit of urinating outdoors and exposing his penis to the world was finally curbed when a revolted neighbor alerted law enforcement, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
A woman reported that her next-door neighbor had recently relieved himself in his front yard at midday, with his genitals fully visible. She said his porch peeing was "an ongoing problem."
When a deputy visited the man' house, he saw wet marks near the porch and smelled a strong odor of urine. The man readily admitted to peeing there, explaining that he was sitting in his house when the urge to urinate came over him and he doubted he'd make it to the bathroom, the report said. "So he opened the front door and began urinating."
The deputy estimated the man's house was about 30 feet from the road, with no trees or other obstacles to shield his urination (or penis) from passers-by or neighbors (such as the children living across the street). The deputy noted that the man had answered the door wearing only maroon-colored boxers.
The man denied making a habit of peeing in his front yard, saying he had "made a bad decision today" and acknowledging that the toilet in his house worked just fine.
The deputy cited the man on suspicion of indecent exposure and told him that he must urinate in a bathroom like everyone else. The man agreed to that.
CALLING THE COPS 101: DON'T DO IT WHILE TRASHED
MARCH 15, 3:22 P.M.
Deputies might have been able to help a man retrieve his stolen pricey bicycle if hadn't been too wasted to give them more information about a possible suspect, a PCSD report said.
A deputy who visited the man's home after he reported that someone had taken his $800 bicycle wrote that the man appeared to be extremely intoxicated and had trouble standing.
The man said he'd loaned his chrome mountain bike to a former friend and upon trying to reclaim it was instead given a red road bike, which the deputy described as old, rusted ... and lacking wheels.
When the deputy asked the man for his former friend's address, or even just directions, the man was too drunk to give the deputy any helpful information.
Ever persistent, the deputy drove around the man's neighborhood seeking the alleged thief's home, but was unsuccessful. He then abandoned the search, leaving the drunken theft victim with a new set of wheel-less wheels.