A HORNY AND VENGEFUL GOD
DEC. 16, 10:38 P.M.FOOTHILLS AREA
When deputies responded to a call about a naked man who had been yelling all day that he was God, the man at first told them "to get the fuck off" his property, but then he tried to show them his girlfriend's breasts, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
Two deputies went to the man's house, where they found him naked on his back patio, yelling obscenities and other "outlandish" things, the report said.
When the girlfriend, who had called 911 because she feared the boyfriend would become violent, tried to calm him, he said he wanted to show off her breasts to the deputies and tried to take her shirt off.
After a brief struggle, the deputies handcuffed the man and asked the girlfriend to retrieve his clothing. They also called another deputy to the scene along with paramedics from Northwest Fire Department.
When the paramedics arrived, the man told them in a solemn tone to "Take your clothes off, lube up, and get into the pool I was just in. I am God." When they tried to examine his eyes, he said, "You're going to shine a light into God's eyes?"
After that outburst, the man restricted his conversation to repeatedly asking the deputies and paramedics if they had any marijuana on them.
The girlfriend told deputies he'd been smoking marijuana "since yesterday and pretty much all day today" and had been yelling that he was God on and off that day. She said that he had been acting strangely for three days and that the night before he'd suddenly started crying for no apparent reason. She said his rude sexual comments were completely out of his nature.
The man was taken to a hospital, where it was eventually revealed that he hadn't been smoking weed after all: It was Spice—a legal, synthetic version of marijuana that has been linked to psychosis. The Pima County Attorney's Office declined to charge the man with anything.