STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP!
SOUTH CARDINAL AVENUE
DEC. 21, 10:46 P.M.
Deputies were called to break up a fight on a busy southwest side street, but they discovered there was only one participant in the brawl—a woman who repeatedly punched herself in the face, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
Witnesses to the "fight" said a man and woman had been standing in the middle of South Cardinal Avenue as the woman kept hitting herself. They said she then lay in the roadway as if she wanted to be run over by a car.
A witness said the man dragged the woman to the side of the road, at which point she ran to a nearby house and lay down in a side yard, on top of her jacket. The man apparently ran away when he heard the deputies' patrol-car sirens.
A deputy found the young woman still lying in the yard. Deputies handcuffed her and searched her jacket. They found a scale commonly used for weighing drugs and what appeared to be marijuana residue.
The girl swore the jacket wasn't hers, and told deputies she had just run away from a rehab center. She acknowledged punching herself, and deputies noted that she had multiple bruises on her face. The woman said she had just met the man who was with her and that he had done her no harm.
The woman was arrested on suspicion of possession of drug paraphernalia.
NOT GOD'S PAINTBRUSH
SAN XAVIER BEAT
DEC. 27, 9:57 A.M.
A vandal who may have thought that saguaros weren't green enough spray-painted one of them a fluorescent green, a PCSD report said. A woman called deputies to report the vandalism in her neighbor's yard. She said she had no idea who the vandal was or what the motive might be, but that she wanted to make law enforcement aware of the crime.
The report made no mention of whether—or how—the unfortunate succulent might be restored to its natural beauty.