THREE LITTLE PERPS ALL GO TO THE PEN
May 18, 3:45 a.m.
A trio of drunk, trespassing delinquents were each progressively disrespectful to police officers and ended up in the big house, a University of Arizona Police Department report said.
UAPD officers were dispatched to Hillenbrand Aquatic Center, 1827 E. Enke Drive, after an intrusion alarm went off. They saw wet footprints near the edge of the pool.
Moments later, the officers received a report of "people in wet clothes" in the Taco Bell drive-thru at Speedway and Campbell boulevards. There, they found three wet college-age males and one female who all saw the officers and ran to the north side of the fast-food venue, only to be stopped by the officers and made to sit on the curb.
The female, apparently innocent, said she had seen the males climb the west wall of the swimming pool center.
One wet male denied hopping the wall but submitted to a breath test, which showed him to be intoxicated. He then became agitated and said to one officer, "Dude, you were in fucking college, man. Are you seriously going to ruin my life?"
He was arrested for underage drinking and suspicion of criminal trespassing.
Officers likewise found a second male drunk by administering a breath test and arrested him for the same crimes in addition to the charge of carrying an illegal ID.
The third male was verbally abusive toward law enforcement. "I've done more community service than you'll ever do! What have you ever done for the community?"
The officer said, "Well, I fought in Iraq for your freedom. Does that count?"
This was responded to with, "Oh yeah, fucking killing people, does fucking killing people make you happy? Fuck you, Iraq guy."
The third male then refused to submit to a breath text and was further verbally combative, calling an officer a "piece of crap" and a "douche." He said, "There's real shit you guys could be doing."
He was also arrested. All three males were transported to Pima County Jail.
THAT TOOK BALLZ
May 21, 5:30 p.m.
A UA co-ed's car was intrepidly (and immaturely) vandalized in public, according to a UAPD report.
An officer met with a female student in the UAPD lobby, where she told him her vehicle had been vandalized.
She said she'd parked her 1997 Honda Accord at 880 E. Fourth St. sometime at the end of April, and this month, when she returned to the car, someone had scrawled "Fuck Me" on its roof.
The vehicle's trunk displayed a disagreeable illustration of "a large male genitalia, including a penis and scrotum," along with the word "Ballz." The victim had no idea who might have done this.