APRIL 5, 10:05 P.M.
A man nicknamed after the fruit of a palm tree acted remorseful after tricking a convenience-store clerk into letting him steal an 18-pack of Budweiser, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
Deputies responded to a call about a beer skip at a Circle K. The clerk had called 911, but then had abruptly hung up.
The clerk told a deputy that she'd called 911 when she saw the subject take the beer and pass by the register without paying. She described him as similar to the person whom her manager had recently warned her was a shoplifter and had been banned from the premises. The clerk said she hung up on the 911 call when the subject, as he was leaving the store with the beer, assured her he would "be right back."
Another deputy found the subject walking nearby with the 18-pack and arrested him. The deputy recognized the subject from previous encounters. He was apparently a notorious nuisance who went by the name "Coconut Joe."
Upon being arrested, Coconut Joe became extremely apologetic, saying, "I'm sorry, sir" over and over and explaining that he knew he "did bad" but that he didn't have any money and was "just trying to go home and drink some beer."
He was arrested on suspicion of trespassing and theft.
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MAY 10, 2:17 A.M.
A University of Arizona student staged a ChapStick attack against her boyfriend when he withheld sex, a UA Police Department report stated.
Someone at the Arizona-Sonora Residence Hall, 910 E. Fifth St., called campus police late at night after hearing yelling and thuds coming from the neighboring room, where a woman and her boyfriend had allegedly been living for about six months.
The boyfriend told police that he and his girlfriend had been in bed talking. When he declined to have sex with her, she "flipped the fuck out," according to the boyfriend, and threw a tube of ChapStick in his face.
He said he then became angry and began tossing some cardboard boxes around the room. One of the boxes contained a red vase with a ladybug on it, which shattered. The vase apparently was special to the girlfriend.
The girlfriend told police that the reason she'd gotten mad at the boyfriend when he refused to have sex was that she'd been "reminisc(ing)" about him cheating on her previously and got angry. She said she and her boyfriend fought regularly on a "reminisce basis." Both subjects denied touching each other in a harmful way.
The couple were taken to jail on suspicion of disorderly conduct and domestic violence.