MARCH 7, 3:37 P.M.
SOUTH SETTLER AVENUE
A bored middle-school student tried to bring some excitement to her day by cutting off a chunk of another girl's hair, according to a Pima County Sheriffs' Department report.
Deputies responding to a call from Hohokam Middle School, 7400 S. Settler Ave., interviewed a student who said she had been sitting in the library, facing away from other students, when she heard someone shriek, "Oh, they cut your hair!" The girl then discovered that someone had cut off a 4-inch chunk of her extremely long hair without her knowledge.
The girl told deputies that she had not been otherwise physically harmed during the incident but her irate mother wanted to press charges, saying her daughter was a strict Catholic and shouldn't have her hair cut until her 18th birthday.
The deputy told the mother he couldn't charge the hair-cutter with assault because cutting the girl's hair was more of a "property theft" issue.
A student who had been in the library admitted that she'd been the barber in the incident, and blamed her actions on boredom.
She was cited for disorderly conduct, and the deputy advised her that, "It would be wise not to touch other 'people' in the future."
MARCH 12, 1:32 A.M.
A suspected drunken driver told police there was no need for him to take a field sobriety test because he had just polished off a 12-pack of beer and was most definitely impaired, a University of Arizona Police Department report stated.
A UA officer pulled over a speeding, swerving Jeep on North Campbell Avenue after the vehicle almost hit the median.
The driver said he was unlicensed, and after much fumbling provided proof of registration for the vehicle (which belonged to his dad). When the driver asked why he should take a sobriety test when he admitted he was drunk, the officer responded that, "Everyone deserves to be able to go through the tests and see how they did."
The driver agreed to a series of tests that included standing on one leg and other coordination exercises, and failed miserably.
During the incident, the subject repeatedly told the officer that "all he wanted to do was go home," the report said.
Instead, the Jeep was impounded and the subject was jailed on several charges, including driving on a suspended license. A breath test showed he had a blood-alcohol content of .232 percent, nearly three times the legal limit.