POOP, HE DID IT AGAIN
NORTH LA CHOLLA BOULEVARD
JAN. 22, 2:11 A.M.
A man who showed up at a hospital three times in two days with different complaints defecated in his pants on the third visit and told a deputy that he had drug cartel connections and that the deputy was in his "crosshairs."
Deputies responded to Northwest Hospital, 6200 N. La Cholla Blvd., where a man was refusing to leave the emergency room. Staff said the man had been kept overnight the previous evening because he said he wanted to kill himself, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
The next day, after adamantly denying suicidal thoughts—but requesting pain medication—the man left the hospital but returned later in the day complaining of back pain.
A doctor said that when he tried to treat the man, he became belligerent, saying "fucker" and "fuck this."
The doctor told the man to leave the hospital, which he did, but the man returned again, this time in an ambulance.
He then started cursing at a triage nurse and refused to leave the emergency room.
When a deputy handcuffed him, the man said, "You squeezed the poop out of me," explaining that he meant he had defecated in his pants (which was obvious, according to the report). While being taken to a patrol car, the man became belligerent and told a deputy that he had drug cartel connections and "it was going to suck" for the deputy because he was in the man's "crosshairs and . . . should be afraid."
The man was booked on suspicion of criminal trespassing and disorderly conduct.
LET THE CHIPS FALL WHERE THEY MAY
JAN. 27, 1:03 A.M.
An intoxicated shoplifter also was charged with underage drinking after he allegedly tried to get away with eating a bag of chips in a store and not paying for it, according to a University of Arizona Police Department report.
The manager of the Highland Market, 544 N. Highland Ave., told UAPD officers that a young male had ordered a burrito and polished off a bag of chips while it was being prepared. The manager said that the subject left the empty bag behind when he went to pay for the burrito, and that when it was brought to his attention, he refused to pay for the chips. He then threw the bag on the ground and left the store.
When UAPD officers found the subject nearby, one officer noticed that his eyes were red and watery, and said, "You probably wouldn't have done that if you weren't drinking."
The subject then said something he may have regretted: "You're probably right."
The subject, who was younger than 21, was arrested on suspicion of underage drinking and shoplifting.