CONVENIENCE-STORE CONFUSION
WEST VALENCIA ROAD
AUG. 10, 1:43 A.M.
A woman at a convenience store who told deputies she thought she was shopping at Target—when she tried to buy $191 of miscellaneous items—also described herself as the "queen" of the Pascua Yaqui Tribe, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
Following a call from a store employee, deputies found the woman at the store's automatic teller machine. Asked what she was doing, the woman replied that she was "trying to see if that thing worked." The ATM then made a strange noise, as if it were shutting down.
She then went to the convenience-store cash register and tried to use numerous credit cards to purchase her massive collection of sundries. All were declined.
The woman then told deputies that she was the queen of the Pascua Yaquis and that she and her husband, the king, had been staying at the tribe's casino. She added that she'd just told her husband she was pregnant, but he didn't believe her—so she'd come to "Target" for a pregnancy test.
Deputies weren't sure whether the woman had been drinking, but they drove her to the casino to ensure her safety, according to the report. Staff at the casino confirmed that she had indeed been staying there—but said she had not paid for her room, and she had been kicked out earlier in the evening.
Pascua Yaqui Police Department officers were called to the casino. They detained her in their vehicle, but told deputies they had no probable cause for arrest. Then, a sheriff's deputy noticed suspicious activity in the vehicle: They found that the woman had used nail polish to scribble graffiti on the car's Plexiglass divider.
Asked about it, the woman said she did "not have a statement."
The woman was booked into jail on suspicion of criminal damage.
BOOB-TUBE RUBE
SOUTH BONNEY AVENUE
AUG. 7, 12:45 P.M.
A man's TV was held for ransom until a $20 debt was paid, a PCSD report stated.
A man told deputies that his 27-inch flat-screen had been stolen by a homeless person who frequents the trailer park where the man lives. However, the man offered deputies no evidence that the homeless man took it.
The park manager told deputies that the TV had indeed been taken—by yet another homeless man, who claimed the owner owed him $20.
The homeless man returned the TV after the owner paid him $20, telling deputies he thought the owner had been "trying to burn" him.
Deputies arrested the homeless man on suspicion of burglary.
