THE HOMER SIMPSON DIET?
WEST VALENCIA ROAD
MARCH 3, 7:56 P.M.
A dinner of doughnuts and beer at a local Walmart led to the arrest of a drunken man on shoplifting charges, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
Deputies were called to apprehend a reportedly "uncooperative" shoplifter. A store loss-prevention officer said he'd watched the subject eat doughnuts in the bakery aisle, grab some Corona and Bud Light—and then try to bypass the checkout line.
The subject reeked of alcohol and had trouble standing, the report said.
Led to a patrol vehicle and asked if he knew his Miranda rights, the subject replied, "Yeah, I know my fucking rights." He then said, "All I had was a couple doughnuts, and I didn't do nothing, man," and demanded a lawyer.
He was taken to jail and booked on shoplifting charges and three outstanding warrants. During booking, he reportedly became belligerent and urinated on a bench.
MARCH 18, 1:28 A.M.
Three St. Patrick's Day revelers were caught with some "green" and other drugs after making an illegal turn, a University of Arizona Police Department report said.
A UA officer pulled over a car at Euclid Avenue and 10th Street; the driver said he didn't have his driver's license with him. When told that a records check showed it was suspended, the driver said he wasn't aware of that, because he'd recently been in prison.
The driver waived his Miranda rights and exited the vehicle along with his two passengers. The report said that a baggie full of what appeared to be psilocybin mushrooms and a scale of the type used to weigh drugs were in plain view in the back seat.
Upon searching the car, the officer found a bag of marijuana, another scale, a bag of cocaine, another bag of mushrooms, a bag containing generic Vicodin pills, and many empty baggies.
The officer contacted the owner of the vehicle, who was not in the car. She said she let people borrow her car all the time, but didn't know they used drugs.
The female passenger told the officer she'd used "all kinds of drugs," but that none in the car were hers. She then said she didn't want to talk about it anymore.
The male passenger said they'd been "cruising Fourth (Avenue)," and that he'd wanted to buy some high-grade marijuana, but his source was too intoxicated to sell it. He admitted owning the scales, the mushrooms and the pills.
The driver was cited for not having a license. The male passenger was taken to jail.