NEAR-NAKED AND CONFUSED
DEC. 22, 6:31 A.M.
An inebriated juvenile had no idea why he was running around, nearly naked, at dawn, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
A woman reported that an underwear-clad male was knocking on her windows and door for an unknown reason.
Deputies found a young, thin man standing on her porch. He was wearing only boxer-briefs and tennis shoes, and was apparently babbling to himself. Upon seeing deputies, he began crying hysterically.
The youth, cold to the touch, was handcuffed and placed in a patrol vehicle with the heat on high. Apparently very intoxicated, he didn't seem to know what was going on or why he was unclothed. He said simply that he had been "running around for a couple of hours" and was trying to get back to his friend's house.
Deputies located the friend, who gave them the subject's clothing.
The subject was cited for underage drinking and released to his father.
NORTH GENERAL HITCHCOCK HIGHWAY
DEC. 22, 12:10 A.M.
Two people apparently overdosing on fake marijuana were busted for the real thing, a PCSD report said.
Deputies responded to a parked car; two young people had requested emergency medical treatment for a reported drug overdose. Both subjects were shaking; the female said they had smoked an entire package of "space." (A deputy eventually learned she meant Spice, a legal marijuana-type substance.)
Once checked out by paramedics, the subjects immediately felt better; however, some actual marijuana was found in their car, and they were cited.
WEST RIVER ROAD
DEC. 17, 12:21 P.M.
A woman played innocent after trying to pass a horrendously fake $20 bill, a PCSD report stated.
A Walgreens manager said a red-haired, 50-something woman tried to pay for some items with a crumpled bill by flattening it on the counter and trying to "make it better than it actually was." When the manager immediately deemed the bill fraudulent, the woman reportedly fled, getting into a truck.
The reporting deputy described the bill as "probably one of the worst bills (he'd) ever seen." Half of it was bleached white, he reported, and its entire back portion was upside down.
The driver was a minister who claimed no knowledge of the counterfeit bill and little familiarity with the female. The woman insisted she'd thought the bill was real.