THAT'S A STRETCH
WEST ESPERANZA BOULEVARD, GREEN VALLEY
JUNE 10, 12:18 A.M.
A man busted for allegedly drinking and driving bragged about other crimes, a Pima County Sheriff's Department report stated.
Deputies responded to a Green Valley Texaco gas station in response to a man yelling at the clerk. She said a male friend had been at the store for hours, mostly cleaning and being helpful—but at one point, he suddenly said he loved her and then became inexplicably irate, threatening to have another woman "beat her ass." She thought he had been drinking, because she had been finding open beer cans in random places all day. After she shut him out of the store, she said, he drove away.
Deputies pulled the subject over; he would not submit to field-sobriety tests, declaring himself "fine to drive" despite a strong boozy odor. A spilled beer was found near him, and when a deputy opened the passenger-side door, a Tecate can rolled out.
While being cited for driving without a license, the subject began talking to himself and then exited his vehicle, declaring his need "to pee." He reportedly moved as if to urinate beside his truck, but instead decided to perform stretching movements (during which he had trouble keeping his balance).
The subject was placed in a patrol vehicle. One deputy told him that a piece of a marijuana cigarette was found in his truck, causing the subject to reply, "That's all you're worried about? I transport marijuana by the hundreds or thousands of pounds. I'm known as 'The Kingpin.'" After repeating this statement, he began deriding "the system" and saying he could just "throw down $50,000 and not have to worry about what happens tonight." At one point, he tried to exit the car to perform more stretches.
The man complained about always getting "locked up" just for being diabetic. He was arrested for drunk driving and other charges (but not drug-trafficking).
NORTH LA CHOLLA BOULEVARD
JUNE 10, 1:01 A.M.
A man without a home was accused of stealing an expensive doormat, according to a PCSD report.
A worker at a northwest-side Supercuts said he had watched a man steal the store's large welcome mat, which read "Supercuts" and cost $200. He said the man ran away until the reportee caught him and recovered the mat. The subject was reportedly a homeless man living out of a truck parked behind the Supercuts.
When deputies interviewed the subject, he said he was indeed living out of his truck, but that he had the property owner's permission to park there. He repeatedly denied taking the doormat.
The subject was not arrested, because his crime could not be proven, and the mat had been recovered.