NOT SO NEIGHBORLY
WEST WABASH STREET
JAN. 9, 7:22 A.M.
A visit from law enforcement failed to get a foul-mouthed mobile-home-park nuisance to quiet down, a Pima County Sheriff's Department report stated.
A woman in a foothills-area trailer park told deputies she was being harassed by her 35-year-old male neighbor. While she was trying to sleep that night, she said, he started screaming profanities like "cunt" and "bitch" and yelling threats such as, "You think you got trouble now, baby?"
This same individual reportedly called her often and breathed into the phone; he'd also thrown rocks at her residence. She could not talk to him, because he had a sign on his trailer that said, "No trespassing, violators will be shot."
The subject was cited for disorderly conduct. After deputies left, the reportee said, the man began repeatedly screaming, "Life's a bitch!" from his bathroom.
WE KNOW WHERE IT CAME FROM
WEST MAGEE ROAD
JAN. 4, 3:34 P.M.
An unoccupied "show apartment" was unpardonably dirtied by intruders, according to a PCSD report.
The landlord of a northwest-side apartment complex said that over the weekend, one of his show apartments had been surreptitiously entered. Inside, deputies found many beer bottles, some rolling-paper remnants, a plastic bottle converted into a smoking device, and a lingering smell of marijuana. The bathroom sink held a towel soaked with blood.
The living-room walls and floor had been smeared with a strange substance surmised by the reporting deputy "from his training and experience" to be human feces. "It was unclear where the fecal matter came from," noted the report.
BACK TO HIS (EVOLUTIONARY) ROOTS
JAN. 25, 1:38 A.M.
A sorority girl was assaulted from afar by a naked, fruit-hurling male trespasser, according to a UA Police Department report.
A UA officer responded to the Chi Omega sorority house, 1420 E. First St., in reference to a suspicious man. The reportee said that at about 1:35 a.m., she saw an unidentified male subject—nude—inside the gate in the house's yard.
After making eye contact with the male, the reportee said, she opened the front door, at which point she heard a thud and saw that he'd thrown an orange at her.
Investigating officers found a black jacket on the ground with $15 and an empty Ziploc bag in the pocket. They located neither the subject nor the rest of his clothing.