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Police Dispatch

Flashy Purses, Brassy Curses (But It Could've Been Worse)

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Foothills Area

Nov. 8, 11:42 a.m.

An intoxicated woman toting lots of luggage revealed she likewise had plenty of figurative baggage when she was arrested after a marijuana pipe was found in one of her many bags, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

Sheriff's deputies drove to a northside apartment to speak with a local man who'd called for help with his drunk ex-girlfriend. He'd allegedly invited her in a few days ago and had let her sleep over for three nights, but that day she'd started drinking quite early, getting noisy and disturbing him in his home.

There hadn't been a physical altercation, he said; he simply "did not want to deal with her issues and so forth."

After he'd finally managed to eject her from the apartment, he told deputies, she continued her ruckus outside—including by kicking his front door—and refused to leave the apartment complex.

By this time, she'd left his doorstep, but officers easily located her just entering the parking lot, somehow managing to juggle a massive load of "suitcases and shoulder bags" while "obviously intoxicated," unsteady on her feet and reeking of alcohol.

When stopped, she immediately conceded she was "fucked up," declaring she "just wanted to go home."

Unfortunately for her, she wasn't allowed to do that—deputies had learned of an outstanding warrant out for her arrest and were compelled to bring her in regarding a previous incident.

They proceeded to search her umpteen accouterments, all containing more containers and compartments full of outfits, makeup, jewelry and myriad other overnight items.

At last everything had been cleared except one bag (which, including all its smaller pouches, was technically many bags). Inside a Victoria's Secret duffel bag, deputies located a "bluish and yellow color makeup case" containing a "silver in color smoking pipe" that itself contained some "burnt residue ... (with) an odor of burnt cannabis."

"I know I'm in trouble for that weed pipe," the woman announced.

She continued to be "very vocal" on the way to jail as called the patrol-car driver numerous nasty names, from "punk" to "bitch" to "cunt" (not omitting racial slurs), showing her vocabulary to be as full of vibrant obscenities as her suitcases were of colorful containers. She put up quite the fight even at the jail when asked to remove her jewelry.

She was booked on her warrant and for possession of drug paraphernalia, though she did escape charges regarding the incident for which deputies had been originally called to her location.

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