DON'T TOUCH MY BITCH, BITCH
NORTH SHANNON ROAD
APRIL 26, 6:18 P.M.
Two female canine owners got into a serious catfight over a dog toy, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
The reportee—a woman with a puppy prone to chasing any toy in its vicinity—told deputies that when she took her pet to the dog park that day, she met a young lady with a Weimaraner who did not like other dogs to touch her dog's toys. After the reportee's puppy grabbed the Weimaraner's toy, the girl allegedly seized the puppy and put it in a choke hold.
The puppy's owner—now quite angry—reportedly approached the girl and wagged a finger in her face. The girl then pushed her and struck her hard in the left breast, the reportee said, causing a great deal of pain.
A witness, however, stated that she had not seen any breast-punching; in fact, she said, it was the puppy's owner who had been more violent, approaching the Weimaraner's owner and yelling, "You fucking bitch, get your hands off my dog!" before grabbing the girl by the throat.
Since law enforcement could not determine who was the primary assailant, no one was arrested.
LITTLE FINGER, LOTTA BLOOD
EAST MILTON ROAD
APRIL 21, 4:55 P.M.
The cut on an angry young man's pinky finger yielded a surprising amount of blood—enough to be used as ammunition, a PCSD report stated.
The victim stated that she had gotten into a verbal argument with her boyfriend earlier that day and asked him to leave her trailer, but he refused and got angry. He then broke a nearby lamp with his hand, which began to bleed profusely, so he began flinging his hand toward her in a successful attempt to cover her with blood. He also hurled blood all over the trailer's interior, as well as its exterior and the yard outside.
The reporting deputy said that during his interview with the victim, he noted spots of blood all over one of her arms and her chest, and that she had just wiped a great deal of blood off her face.
The victim's boyfriend was arrested and transported to the hospital.
MAY 2, 10:05 P.M.
A prankster left a nonsensical message in a UA elevator, according to a UA Police Department report.
An officer wrote that he had been on patrol in the Sixth Street Garage and entered the elevator to find that someone had drawn a black circle, apparently a fake elevator button, near the other buttons with a permanent marker. Above the circle was a statement: "Press here for swine flu."
No suspects were identified.