POTTY-MOUTHED WANNABE PYRO
NORTHWEST SIDE, MAY 6, 7:57 P.M.
A 14-year-old boy with bad language threatened arson after a dinnertime argument, said a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
Deputies were dispatched to the boy's home, where his mother stated she had been dining with her son and giving him constructive advice about his D in geometry. He reportedly told her the advice was "bull," she said, and that she was a "fucker anyways." The two got into a disagreement about his foul words, after which the mother retreated and went to Wal-Mart to buy her son an XBox 360 and an iPod.
After returning home and giving her son the items, she asked him if it made him feel like a man to talk to her the way he had earlier. She then asked if his football buddies talked to their mothers that way. He said no, that his football buddies just called their mothers "bitches."
The mother responded that if he kept talking like that, he couldn't live in her house. He said he didn't want to live there anyway; he then reportedly threatened to set the front yard on fire. Arming himself with a pellet gun, a lighter and a can of Crisco, he declared that if the police came, he would light them on fire, too.
Deputies located the boy in his room, which he had locked, so they had to kick in the door. The boy hid behind an upturned mattress, but deputies were eventually able to hold him down and handcuff him. He was arrested for domestic violence, disorderly conduct and criminal damage.
WE COULD HAVE PREDICTED THAT
VAIL, MAY 7, 2:13 P.M.
A restaurant customer became aggressive when his waitress supposedly revealed uncanny psychic abilities, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
Deputies responding to an unwanted-person call at Montgomery's Bar and Grill, 13190 E. Colossal Cave Road, spoke first to the restaurant manager, who said that a patron had been in an altercation with a waitress and was refusing to leave. Upon being interviewed, the subject explained that he had been having a drink with a business client when the woman waiting on him started pretending to have extrasensory perception. The waitress, he insisted, had told him things about himself that only someone who knew him would be able to say.
Extremely disturbed and "offended" by the waitress' words, the subject began to lash out at her and demanded to talk to the manager, at which point the manager took away the subject's beer and asked him to leave. The subject refused, adding that he was "having a very bad day."
The subject's day did not improve; he was escorted from the restaurant in handcuffs and transported to jail.