Last week I discussed pleasuring the clitoris in terms of general approach—having a basic understanding of the anatomy. This week I’ll get into some specifics—particularly techniques involving your fingers and hands. This is by no means an exhaustive list—just some things to explore. You may discover some of your own magical moves in the process.
One last “style” tip, though- particularly regarding partnered play—create a feedback loop. No matter how fluent you and your partner are in terms of open verbal communication in the sack, there will always be quite a bit of non-verbal communication, too. As the “doer,” “top,” “pleasurer,” or “active partner”, adjust what you are doing in accordance to how your lover’s body is reacting. Your adjustment, in turn, changes the way your partner’s body is reacting. The trick is to be present to and become familiar with the subtleties of your partner’s particular body language. Of course, when in doubt, ask!
Tools to pleasure the clitoris are not restricted to any one body part or object. Basically, as long as it’s safe, sane, consensual, anything goes. This week’s article covers fingers and hands as a pleasure-bestowing tool. Next week will cover some other fun techniques. If the clitoris is simply not your thing, don’t sweat it because “Anal August” is almost upon us!
Trim and file your nails to ensure there are no jagged edges. If you have rough and calloused fingers or just want to play it safe, put on latex or nitrile gloves.
Unless you/your partner enjoy the rougher friction of dry rubbing, make sure there is sufficient lube! Yes, many women produce their own lube—sometimes LOTS. However 1) It isn’t magically created right at the beginning of sexual activities unless arousal was high before starting. 2) It is created inside the vagina- not on the vulva. So unless you’re dipping in a bit to get it, it won’t automatically be coating the clitoris. 3) Only a finite amount is produced at the onset of arousal. 4) There are many reasons women may not produce enough lube for comfortable sex that have nothing to do with how aroused or old they are. Other factors include time of month, medications and natural biological tendencies.
These set of techniques involve two or more fingers stroking parallel to and along both sides of the clitoris simultaneously. Not only does the “surround sound” effect have the potential to feel amazing, but this also avoids stroking directly on the glans that may be too sensitive for direct touch. One can stroke in the same direction, or in opposite directions as if you are cycling with your fingers. Try with the tips and the flatter pads of your fingers. Now try with the sides of your fingers. The sides of your fingers can be an effective way of isolating pressure just to the sides of the clitoris without applying pressure down into the other surrounding erogenous tissue.
Pressure and speed drastically change the sensations evoked. Quicker, lighter motions produce more top-level stimulation and are effective at creating heat and blood flow to the surface. Firmer and slower massaging motions create stimulation that penetrates further into tissues, including the more deeply rooted portion of the clitoris. One “massaging” method includes firmly holding the clitoral shaft between two fingers while stroking up and down (just like one would while stroking a penis).
Stroke a circling pattern around the nub of the clitoris. Try slightly wider circles avoiding the glans and try tighter circles on the glans. Try with one finger for more localized sensations, or with two or more fingers to stimulate a broader area. As with flanking, the amount of pressure and speed affect the depth and quality of the sensations. With a lighter touch, your fingers slip and slide along the clitoral hood and surrounding skin creating friction or tickling. With a deeper touch, your fingers remain on the same area of skin, while the deeper tissues are being manipulated and rotated.
Side to Side
This motion involves moving your fingers from side to side across the clitoris. Because this is “against the grain”, this motion tends to have a more vigorous effect. Even slower and deeper perpendicular strokes are slightly choppy as the clitoral shaft is pushed over to one side until it slips back into place. Try this toward the top of the clitoral shaft above the glans. How about below the glans across the folds of the Labia Minora? Now on the glans?
Pressure without motion techniques include indirect stimulation to the clitoris by cupping the pubic mound with the palm of your hand, using your thumb (or any finger) to apply pressure on the clitoris, squeezing the clitoral head between the thumb and index finger, or even tightly pressing your thighs together. This kind of touch has the potential to create a very intimate embrace, gently awaken the clitoris, deliciously tease an already highly aroused clitoris, or evoke a full clitoris-throbbing orgasm.
Expanding the Territory
The clitoral legs extend down underneath both sides of the vulva—along with the vestibular bulbs and other erogenous tissues. Explore stimulating the areas around the entrance of the vulva and just inside the vaginal opening on their own or while simultaneously stimulating the shaft of the clitoris. Stroking the shaft of the clitoris with your thumb, frees up your other fingers to pleasure these other territories.
Ally Booker is a pleasure activist. She is passionate about educating herself and others on cool sexuality related things like communication skills, creating and respecting boundaries, sexual self-determination, destigmatization, gender and sexual expressions, sex toy use and safety, and all the other mechanics of pleasure. You can often find her milling around her Tucson shop, Jellywink Boutique, 418 E. 7th St. Contact the shop at 777-9434 or AllyBooker@Jellywink.com..