Nine Questions- Sexuality Edition!
The Pleasure Activist is proud to present its very own version of the Weekly's "nine questions" series. This is where we interview various sex-positive individuals around town in an effort to celebrate diverse sexual identities and experiences (and through this, perhaps, have some of our own experiences validated) and also have some fun in the process! So without further ado, our inaugural interview features Jessy Schmidt.
As a recent Tucson transplant, Jessy Schmidt will soon be reviving her radio show Intercourse to Intercourse as a podcast where she gets to talk to lots of smart people about everything from reproductive rights to asexuality to sex toys for beginners. In addition, she is a facilitator of sexuality related discussions and workshops around town. The next workshop is Sexy Sexy Safer Sex. Not only will this cover topics such as "non-traditional" prophylactics (female condoms or "in-condoms," latex gloves, dental dams, etc.), but also the other crucial components of sexy safer sex: communication and consent. Did you know all of these things make for great foreplay? Jessy can tell you how! The workshop is on Sunday, March 15 from 6:30-8 p.m. at Jellywink Boutique 418 E. 7th St., Tucson, AZ 85705 (right off 4th Avenue). FREE. Limited space.
At what age did you become aware of your sexuality? And what were your first sexual interactions like?
Jessy: Hmm... I don't think I can remember exactly when. I was an adventurous exploratory kid and liked to do things that felt good or interesting. I remember having orgasms young, like three or four, but I didn't know what to call them. I do remember being aware that I should keep them out of sight of the grown ups. My mom was really good at letting me know that my body was mine to explore and then giving me the space to do so.
The first orgasm I ever had with another person was when I was 20. My partner was going down on me, which I was still insecure about. I did not want to be naked in front of other people. I thought my body was gross in various ways and was not used to having someone's head between my legs, so I was having a hard time getting into the moment, when all of the wonderful sensations started washing over me anyway, and I forgot all about how ugly things might or might not be. I just enjoyed the wonderful wave of tingles.
If we were to go through your "bedside drawer" right now, what would we find?
Jessy: Lube, of course, silicone and water-based and this botanical, glycerin-free stuff from Sliquid; plus, colorful condoms, Femdoms, and Sir Richard's ones, which are great for oral (they have this lovely subtle minty taste), and regular flavor dental dams. Oh! And latex gloves. There are also three or four baby vibes with their various attachments, a glass dildo, a beginner strap-on set, and some butt stuff ... among other things. It's a big drawer.
Did you know female condoms (Femdoms) are the perfect size for Hitachi Magic Wands?
Jessy: No, I didn't! I like female condoms more and more! Dr. Doe of the "Sexplainations" channel on YouTube calls those ones "in-condoms" and the more standard ones "out-condoms," which I love and have confused a couple of people with. I have heard from guys that they like the "in-condoms" better because they're roomier. No more worries about fit, they say! It's great to know they also have room for the magic wand, too. No more messing around with plastic wrap and rubber bands! Unless people want to!
Ally: I think it's funny when guys complain about how "tight" condoms are. You could fit a regular size condom over your head and face! (Don't try this at home!)
What was the funniest partnered or solo sexual experience you've had?
Jessy: For now, I will tell you that my story involves a karaoke gong, many martinis, a flock of seagulls hair situation, and a lesson to me about making assumptions, which I still do anyway...
This is the one I told at Female Story Telling in January and probably will again someplace around town. Keep a look out for it and you can hear the whole thing plus other fun stories!
Where's it at?
What do you find irritating or just doesn't do it for you? (Sexually speaking, of course)
Jessy: Direct nipple or clitoral stimulation. I understand how cute those bits are and how tempting to touch, but good grief, is the sensation irritating. Like fingernails on a chalkboard, people.
Ally: Personally, I love direct nipple stimulation, but I do know several other women, who can. not. stand. it! An interesting note to add here is that for some reason nipple play seams to be associated with female bodied individuals when in reality I know far more men that are into nipple stimulation than women.
And as far as the clitoris is concerned, let's just say, I'm thankful for the hood that's there to protect it! LOTS of nerve endings right there! Sensitive!
What famous, mythical, or historical character would you jump at the chance of having sex with?
Jessy: Ursula the Sea Witch! A sassy dominatrix with eight appendages besides her hands and the ability to put a spell on me? Why, yes!!
Ally: Ooh! I have a tentacle fantasy fetish. Not real tentacles, fyi.
Jessy: Yeah, real tentacles kind of freak me out. It's more about the multiple appendages ...
Moaner, screamer, crier, silent shaker, grunter, or something else?
Jessy: It definitely depends on the situation. Within the past couple of years, I've started enjoying moaning during solo time if I'm alone in the house. It's fantastic! When things are particularly intense or emotional, or if my partner and I are able to do something we've been working toward that is also emotionally meaningful to us, I cry. If there are other people in the house, I'm definitely a silent shaker. I have been known to grunt during those more physically trying moments. I don't think I've ever screamed. I have moaned very loudly. There is a difference between loud moaning and screaming, right?
Ally: So basically, all of the above? That makes sense. I think me too, also except for screaming. I think. I may have screamed at some point.
Jessy: Sometimes it's hard to know for sure!
Name one thing that is still on your sexual bucket list.
Jessy: One thing? ... Actually, there are a few things that have reappeared on my list. Due to vaginal trauma, I have had difficulty receiving with my vagina for the past couple of years. I would love to get back to rocking penetrative sexy time! That's my first thing.
Ally: I'm sorry you had to go through that experience. If you feel comfortable sharing, keep us updated about your journey of healing. Your discoveries may help others. Also, have you heard of or read "Healing Painful Sex" by Deborah Coady and Nancy Fish? It's a book I carry at the shop, but I haven't gotten a chance to read through it myself. If you've read it, I'd like to know what you think about it and if you found it helpful or not.
Jessy: I have the book! It's been great so far. Being at the beginning of my process, I don't have much to share yet but I will be sure to keep you up to date!
While you have this platform, what do you see as the sexual state of the union?
Jessy: I think it is super exciting that more and more people are getting into pleasure based sex education!! I dream about the day when people across the land start talking about what it means to be fully empowered in all of our own complex, messy bodies to make informed decisions about our sexy encounters with very excited yes's and confidence that our 'no's' will be heard. How wonderful it will be. Figurative gun to your head, if you could only keep one sex toy, which one would it be?
Jessy: I would say my beginner strap-on set if that get-up was more functional or at all sexy. It was the right price for trying something out, I guess. Now I'm ready to invest more. Actually, I wish I would have done that to begin with. Lesson learned. My fancy new strap-on set for the experienced will then be the one sex toy... package... I would keep. Until then, I'm going to go with Glinda, my pink teaching cock. She is not easy to get a condom on, but she does bring a room together with her nine inches of girthy love.
Ally: I'm curious about Glinda. Is that a name you or the creator gave her? Also, what material is she made out of and what brand is she? I want to know because I'm a size queen, myself!
Jessy: Haha! I named her. It came to me during the first class I used her in, it just fit! As for make and model, so to speak, I had to get her out to see. It turns out she's only seven inches (still a stand-up stage presence!) and is a Crystal Jellies Ballsy Super Cock from Doc Johnson, made of Doc Johnson's Sil-a-gel. She's smelly and porous and not something I would put in my body, perfect for teaching. Folks will definitely get a chance to meet her if they come to my Sexy Sexy Safer Sex workshop on March 15.
Ally Booker is a pleasure activist. She is passionate about educating herself and others on cool sexuality related things like communication skills, creating and respecting boundaries, sexual self-determination, destigmatization, gender and sexual expressions, sex toy use and safety, and all the other mechanics of pleasure. You can often find her milling around her Tucson shop, Jellywink Boutique, 418 E. 7th St., (888) 874-6588.