National Security

Rated NR

Your Honor, on the count of an exceedingly racist bumblehead comedic shtick, we find wannabe funnyman Martin Lawrence guilty as charged. On the count of possession of a deadpan performance, we find actor Steve Zahn guilty as charged. With the evidence presented in director Dennis Dugan’s highly predictable buddy/cop action flick, defendant number one repeatedly is heard casting discriminating jibes as he portrays a cocky security guard who gets kicked out of L.A.P.D. training school. He’s caught in the middle of a twisted plot involving crooked cops and government-issued atomic alloys worth millions of dollars. In this same piece of evidence, defendant number two can be seen with a grim countenance as he supposedly is attempting to be humorous during his wild escapades on garbage barges in this so-called comedy. They are hereby sentenced to 20 years in the state penitentiary. This court is adjourned.

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