Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life

Rated NR

I imagine that this is the movie that space robots from another world would make if, 10, 000 years from now, they came to our desiccated planet and found, in the hidden tombs of Hollywood, the Standard Formula For Action Films. All the elements are in place, but there’s no spirit to animate it, and no compelling, human reason to sit through it. Angelina Jolie’s breasts play the titular (look it up) Lara Croft, who is apparently the most boring beautiful international super-archaeologist on earth. There’s some sort of plot about Pandora’s "box," and Croft needing the assistance of a jailed turncoat spy who is the only person on earth, apparently, who knows how to get to Mongolia. It all falls pretty flat, though it’s not so much boring as pointless. OK, it’s kind of boring too.

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