Unlike most candidates, Tucson's Jesus Christ did not gather nominating signatures. If you want Jesus Christ to be a judge under the mosaic dome of the Old County Courthouse, you'll have to write his name on the ballot in the midtown Justice Precinct 8 on Sept. 10.
Christ pays taxes and has a phone with voice messaging. He's good about calling back.
Before Aug. 26, Jesus Christ was Henry James Cardenas, a 42-year-old mason who petitioned the Superior Court for a name change. The order was filed at 2:32 p.m. that day, and moments later Jesus Christ walked the tiny distance to County Administration, ascended by elevator to the eighth floor and filed papers to seek the Democratic nomination and to wrest the gavel from incumbent Justice Susan Bacal.
Jesus Christ explains that He was simply satisfying "our rules" with the name change. "I am the very risen Christ."
He'd like to talk to us about His campaign, but must charge us.
"$1,500," he says.
We explain we don't pay anyone, not even Jesus Christ. Besides, we're poor.
"You are not poor. Say 'I am rich,'" He commands.
We manage to get Him to reveal that He will "administer justice just as it is in the Book. The rich are going to be poor. The poor are going to be rich. White will be treated like black. Black will be white."
He takes pity and offers to meet us. It must be in the neighborhood. He rides a bike.
He'll settle for lunch. His choice.
Jesus looked for fish, but accepted chicken, beans and slaw at (where else?) Chuy's, Speedway and Country Club.