Free Birds

Just in time for the holidays comes this turgid turkey tale. In case you didn’t know, every year the president of the United States pardons a turkey just before Thanksgiving. It’s one of our more pastoral pastimes, right up there with ceremonial first pitches and Punxsutawney Phil. Owen Wilson is the voice of Reggie, the lucky bird who is spared the chopping block by a smooth-talking, Bill Clinton-esque president. Just as Reggie is settling into the comfy confines of Camp David, he’s bird-napped by radical, far out Jake (voiced by the radical, far out Woody Harrelson). The two turkeys travel by time machine (voiced by the increasingly annoying George Takei) to turkey genocide ground zero: Plymouth, Mass., in 1621. Their mission? To wipe out turkey-as-traditional dinner. Too many cheap gags and even cheaper PETA-approved stabs at symbolism weigh this bloated bird down.