I was wrong. Those are words that you'll never hear from the current president of the United States, but you will hear them from me. As a matter of fact, during one's lifetime, you could probably hear them at least once from every single person you meet, unless you happen to meet the Moron-In-Chief. See, even though they are one-syllable words, he's incapable of forming the thought, let alone making the sounds. I used to think that the only two people who knew everything were God and an eighth-grader. Now the list has grown by one.
What I was wrong about—and it was a big, dumb-ass wrong—was that I thought sure that after a few months of watching the corpulent ass-clown thrash about in his self-made primordial soup of self-indulgence, absence of ethics, and super-creepy incestuous leanings, at least some of the people who had voted for him in November of 2016 would admit to having made a (perhaps well-intentioned) mistake.
I sincerely thought that people would say, "OK, I did what I did. I helped keep Hillary out of the White House. I've helped to keep the dark-skinned horde at bay for another couple years and I may have even helped to shut down that pizzeria child sex ring place. But this guy's dumber than a Roseanne focus group. I may have made a mistake."
Let me just say that being an idiot doesn't automatically disqualify one from being president. If that were the case, we could just all take a test and whoever scores the highest moves to Washington. Likewise, being smart doesn't automatically make you a good president. Jimmy Carter was a nuclear engineer, for crying out loud. Having said that, please note that if you actually think that you're dumber than Donald Trump, you're probably right.
Anyway, the minority of Americans who voted for him apparently still support him. It's absolutely stunning. They seem to fall into two categories. There are those who sincerely believe that he can do no wrong. That group includes the toothless hillbillies, the white supremacists and, up until the recent Senate race, a whole lot of people in Alabama. But then, there's a larger group who know all too well what he has done, but they just don't care as long as he is sticking it to poor people, minorities, women and liberals in the process.
I thought people would get mad when he didn't get rid of Obamacare as he had promised (even though a majority of Americans support that program). I thought his non-hillbilly supporters would be upset when they realized that the big, beautiful tax bill was almost entirely for corporations and the super-rich. But no. I thought that the wildly vocal Religious Right would be aghast at his adultery and sexual assaults. But, all of a sudden, those things have been downgraded in exchange for a rubber stamp on the Supreme Court.
Man, I wish there were a Peanut Gallery right by the Pearly Gates so we could sit there and watch all the Pat Robertsons and Franklin Grahams get turned away and told to go stand in the Hypocrisy Line for half-an-eternity.
Originally, this column was going to include a list of infractions that would be serious enough to cause the aforementioned voters to finally say, "That's it! I'm out!" But apparently, no such infraction—real or imagined—exists. I went around and asked several people whom I know to have voted for Trump what would be the straw that broke the camel's back for them. I promised them anonymity and still got zilch for an answer. A fairly big shot in the Republican Party told me that Trump is a flawed person, but so are all great leaders. Yes, he said "Great leaders." And I don't think he's a day drinker.
I asked a member of law enforcement (who is also a Dallas Cowboys fan); he's all messed up. First thing he did was bring up Bill Clinton. Seeing as how he's in law enforcement, I said, "What Bill Clinton did was a sin. What Donald Trump brags about is a crime (and a sin)." I understand that whole "render unto Caesar" stuff and I'm a Catholic, but I have to believe that felony trumps sin.
Don't you hate that you can't use "trump" as a verb any more without feeling ashamed?
I finally asked a radio talker (not the local Trump brown-noser but a guy from another city who is an acquaintance of a friend). This guy is a True Believer. What if multiple sources reported that Donald Trump does terrible things to a puppy with a blow torch?
What if there's video of it?
Photoshopped or digitally altered.
What if Donald Trump himself went on TV and copped to it and he admitted that he had also done unspeakable things to farm animals.
He would only do so under duress.
I kept adding stuff, exposing himself to nuns, stealing candy from a baby, having Vladimir Putin urinate on him after the Miss Universe pageant. I mean, it was like "The Aristocrats, Part II." And still, nothing.
It was John Heywood (and not the Bible) who said in 1546, "There are none so blind and those who will not see." There's a whole lot of that going around.