by David Mendez
The horrible people at Amy's Baking Company in Scottsdale (yes, them again) are in the process of hiring for their new, stupid reality show, because I apparently didn't sacrifice the proper woodland creature to ensure that they'd never be seen or discussed ever again.
According to the "restaurant"'s Facebook page, the not-at-all-self-aggrandizing martyrs of reality television appear to be extending their tenuous grasp upon infamy by agreeing to do a reality show — though it's worth noting that there hasn't been any official word of a production company willing attaching themselves to this "project."
If you're interested in lashing yourself to the mast of what is certain to be the worst thing I'll ever hatefully watch, feel free to submit a resume and headshot (!) to Amy's Baking Company. We'll assume that they'll say they're looking for people who are spunky, interesting, and passionate about food. Personally, I'm assuming that they're looking for cute, peppy girls that aren't prettier than Amy and don't have an "attitude" — because as you might recall, having an attitude with the chef is the surest way to get yourself shitcanned
In related news, the New Times reports that the producers of Kitchen Nightmares (who we can blame for making the world aware of these people) are going to revisit the smoldering hellhole by taking a look at the effect the KN episode has had on Amy's Baking Company and the surrounding community. Expect to see the General Manager of the nearby Scottsdale Pita Jungle laughing and making it rain twenty dollar bills at least once in the episode.
Oh, and an open note to Amy's Baking Company: Just because you add superfluous words to your business ("Amy's Baking Company Boutique and Bistro") doesn't necessarily mean those words actually describe your restaurant. It just means that you took a cue from Kim Jong-un and the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.
EDIT: "Good" news, everybody! The folks at Amy's Baking Company have kindly informed me that Irwin Entertainment has agreed to produce what is certain to be terrible television focused on their restaurant. For the record, Irwin is responsible for the similarly controversial Celebrity Rehab, as well as a handful of comedy specials and a few other things that aren't all that notable. Also for the record, there doesn't appear to be anything confirming this outside of word from Amy's; Irwin lacks a functioning website of its own, and hasn't touched any of its social media accounts in months. So, take this with a grain of salt.