by Kyle Mittan
I’m not necessarily afraid to admit that I’m a huge Bon Iver fan, but sometimes I wonder if it’s more of a guilty pleasure.
Lead singer Justin Vernon’s falsetto crooning makes for rather pretty-sounding music, the kind of stuff you’d want to listen to on a lazy Sunday as you sit in the antique chaise in your den, sipping tea while reading a Chuck Palahniuk novel … or something.
On the flip side, Vernon’s nature as an unexpectedly tall Wisconsinite (he also performs standing on a riser — go figure) who recorded his first record in a log cabin in his hometown has resulted in jabs at his somewhat excessive masculinity. A Saturday Night Live skit last year saw Justin Timberlake playing Vernon, who had just been “wandering barefoot in the woods of Wisconsin and fashioned this guitar out of a canoe” before putting everyone to sleep with “Holocene.”
Case in point: Bon Iver’s music, as great as it is, tends to be easy to poke fun at. My latest discovery regarding all this is a Tumblr page titled “Bon Iver Erotic Stories,” which seems to be a collection of (obviously fictional) journal entries by Justin Vernon’s lover as they go through life together living in the mountains, raising alpacas, tending gardens, drinking wine and, of course, writing music. Each journal entry is accompanied by a photo of Vernon, making for one of the best pieces of satire I’ve seen in a long time.
In case you’re skeptical, above is a sample from one of website’s entries, so you don’t have to commit to a decision like clicking a link.
The author intentionally refers to Vernon himself as “Bon Iver,” a common mistake that I see people make who aren’t familiar with the band, and a personal pet peeve. I’m willing to overlook it in this case because the posts themselves are just too damn funny.
So, if you’ve got time to kill, blast “Skinny Love,” cruise through a few pages of this Tumblr and have yourself a laugh.