by Dan Gibson
Van Halen announced today that they would reunite for the first time since 1986 to tour, put out a new album, etc. (although it's not like we haven't been down this road before), and while I would consider myself a fan of the band's material, including "Panama", which might be one of the best songs ever, as long as Eddie's kid is playing bass, I'm not interested. Let's stand up for Michael Anthony, rock fans. He was a great bassist and backing vocalist, plus the sort of rock and roller who would play a Jack Daniels' logo-ed bass. A Michael Anthony-less Van Halen is a no fun Van Halen, which isn't really Van Halen at all.
I'm going to do what I've done since the band parted ways with David Lee Roth in the first place and just pretend that they quit while they were ahead and they've live on, encased in amber preserved in their 1984-era form: