Dear Mexican: When Americans retake California from you low-IQ Mexicans, should we call it the Reconquista? Why don't Mexicans (and blacks, for that matter) understand that when they move into a white neighborhood because it is such a nice place to live, they will turn it into a bad place by their presence? Why don't Mexicans understand we don't need or want them, and they will be replaced by automation? Would Mexicans welcome a US invasion by God-Emperor Trump in order to replace their corrupt elite with decent right-wing Americans, who will rule competently? Where will Mexicans go when Diversity+Proximity=War becomes true? Mexico doesn't seem to want them either.
—Your New Master, Same as Your Old Master
Dear Gabacho: I talked to one of your kind last month for about half-an-hour over the phone, until his Bolivian wife told him to hang up. The biggest issue I told him I had about anti-Mexican arguments—you know, besides the blatant racism—is the lack of sources for the Right's pathetic claims. Same with you: just 'cause you and Steve Bannon say something is true doesn't make it so. And here you come proving my pinche point. A 2013 Reason article tracked IQs among immigrants of previous generations and concluded "modern Hispanic immigrants seem to be no stupider than the immigrant ancestors of other Americans." Yay! (And before you trot out stats insisting that the IQs of Mexican-Americans don't increase with generation—ask them if they've tracked the same among poor gabas in the South). Mexicans turning gabachos neighborhoods bad? Read USC professor Jody Agius Vallejo's magisterial Barrios to Burbs: The Making of the Mexican American Middle Class, which debunks both Know Nothing AND yaktists who say Mexicans must remain perpetual peons across generations. Automation? Ask the Rust Belt how robots have treated gabachos. Benevolent conservative rulers? Ask the Rust Belt how right-wing Americans have treated gabachos. And as for that last neo-Nazi dog whistle—here's where the stupidity and insecurity of your movement gets exposed at its worst. What has made the United States the greatest country on Earth is that multitudes of non-"white" immigrants like Jews, Italians, Russians, Irish, Asians Mexicans and, sure, even some "whites" came to make the U.S. great. The only people that freak out about diversity are gabachos who keep fearing that Mexicans will ISIS them once we're the majority, not bother to realize most Mexicans would rather see the Oakland Raiders move to Los Angeles than kill whitey (except Roger Goodell and Tom Brady). You know the one thing Mexicans truly don't like about gabachos? Their propensity for excuses and whining like CHAVALAS.
I'm an American and have a Mexican boyfriend of one year. He doesn't seem to want his family to know anything about our relationship. I do know he doesn't have another girlfriend, as I visited him in Mexico while he was there. Saw his house and his family, but he explained me as a person that works with him. It's true that I work with him, but there is so much more to the story that he doesn't want to share. Is he a private person or am I his dirty little secret?
—Gone Gabacha Girl
Dear Gabacha: When it comes to gabachos, Mexican men have a hard-set rule before they introduce them to the fam: two years, or two kids. The choice is yours!
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