Around the World in 80 Days

What does California’s governor dressed as a half-naked Turkish prince have to do with Rob Schneider offering Hobo 101 to a down-on-his-luck Londoner, Jackie Chan dazzling fans with martial arts and Jules Verne’s classic 1872 novel? Nothing, except this superfluous hack job by director Frank Coraci that insults the 19th century book and the Best Picture Oscar winner of 1956. As the story goes, a British inventor (Steve Coogan) bets that he can circle the globe in 80 days. A French valet (inexplicably played by Chan) tags along for the ride via trains, hot-air balloons and anything else that moves. However, Chan’s character has recently stolen a coveted jade Buddha and uses the protagonist as means for escape from the ridiculously named Black Scorpions gang, and its vindictive comic book leader, Fang. Besides the ludicrous plot changes and embarrassing cameos, the set designs look like the cardboard cut-outs displayed on a Hollywood soundstage that they were.