Analyze That

Rated NR

I beg of you not to see this film. It is like a condensed version of pure evil. Imagine the diabolical Hollywood studio bosses sitting around their pentagrams, eating roast baby flesh, and saying "Let us release a sequel to the commercially successful Analyze This. But, my wicked brethren, let us not make this film amusing. Nay, though we shall label it a comedy, it shall have no laughs!" "Indeed, Moloch," might be the reply from the other side of the flame pit, "what contrivance shall we make of its plot?" "I shall tell you, Belial, we shall have no plot, none to speak of, save for a few disconnected sequences, with no rhyme nor reason, no sense nor meaning!" "But Moloch, too evil is this even for us!" "Hush, Belial, hear me: It shall star Billy Crystal and Robert DeNiro, and be released in the holiday season, ensnaring movie-goers with its roster of stars, such that their minds, rent with the boredom of this film, shall fall more easily into our trap." And then much laughter and clanging of flaming tridents occurred, and dark wings scuttled to the surface world to do this foul deed.

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