Elvis made lots of crappy movies, but he at least had a dastardly manager on whom to blame his comically misguided career choices. Kurt Russell and Kevin Costner better find a Colonel Parker-esque agent/scapegoat for the mirthless 3000 Miles, unless they want to end up like the King, sitting around at home waiting for a career movement. The two stars play ex-cons and partners in crime who love Elvis but grow less and less keen on each other, until at last they must exchange gunfire and pithy taunts in a grimy industrial park. Edited like a commercial and plotted like one of Roger Corman's fever dreams, 3000 Miles blithely offers up all the affectations of every road movie ever made, with none of the fun. Take into account an almost creepy--for the post-'90s--lack of self-awareness, and the movie becomes the answer to the riddle it didn't know it posed; it's a throwback, an Elvis film, just as stupid and incoherent as he used to make 'em. Have some respect--it's time to let this one die.