by Dan Gibson
There are plenty of made up occasions and pseudo-holidays, but blog-for-smart-people The Awl are celebrating the third year of one of the finest of the mostly-imaginary celebrations: Duck Out for a Drink Day.
Participating is easy: Leave work early. Go get a drink. That's about it.
You work hard, you don't call attention to yourself, and you give it as much of yourself as you have. You, in short, deserve some kind of prize. Unfortunately, that's not the way the world works. But there is one day a year where your toil is acknowledged, however briefly. That's right: the Founding Fathers, in George Washington's famous "Fuck This Shit" section of The Federalist Papers (later withdrawn due to a great deal of internecine dispute which we do not have the space to get into here), established August 25th as "the day upon which the noble worker shall sneake off to quickly imbibe whilft in the midft of his labors," or, as it has come to be known, National Duck Out For A Drink Day. The 25th falls on a Sunday this year, meaning that today's the day we observe the holiday in which you take time for yourself to sneak out to a nearby tavern and knock back a couple beers, slam a few shots, or, depending on how long you think you can linger, treat yourself to a few jumbo cocktails. Be sure to bring a couple co-workers with you: National Duck Out For A Drink Day is even more enjoyable if you think about it as a team-building exercise that you've put together on your own, where the only "trust falls" are actual stumbles. Remember, if you're out at the bar during work hours it's like they're paying you to drink! Go do us proud, workers of America! (Unless your job involves creating some kind of syphilis vaccine, in which case what you're doing is way too important for you to take even a moment away from it.)