It's times like this I realize I need to create a more sarcastic header for some of these things.
So, Amy and Samy Bouzaglo, those baking folks that everyone loves to disdain, have decided to tell all — to the United Kingdom's Daily Mail.
Now, I'm not taking anything away from the Daily Mail here, despite the fact that the paper has a wide reputation as a low-brow tabloid, but the piece appears to amount to little more than a celebratory handjob for the Bouzaglos.
Take this section:
‘I asked Gordon many times, ‘what’s wrong with the food?’, he wouldn’t tell me. I literally chased him around, saying ‘I know you sent everything back’. He said we would talk about it later, but at no point did he offer any constructive criticism and that was hurtful to me. I had a great deal of respect for him as a chef.
‘On the final night of filming, Gordon accused my husband in the middle of the restaurant and told the customers that he was keeping the waitresses tips and they were going in his pocket.
‘At this point we both realised they were accusing us of something that was 100 per cent inaccurate and we felt very strongly in standing up for ourselves to make sure they didn't misportray us.'
On the verge of tears, Amy insisted: ‘My husband is a gentleman, he would never let a woman pay for anything if she was with him, he would rather cut his balls off than take money from any waitress or servers.
‘We never had a complaint in six years and we never took money from our servers.’
That'd be easier to believe if there wasn't a contract that read that employees do not retain the right to their tips (a contract that runs counter to federal labor law).
And, of course, they decided to go back to the claim that they were hacked in the days and weeks following the show — something that's admittedly conceivable, but hard to believe given their history:
Amy said: ‘I know it’s hard for people to believe it wasn’t us because of what we had written online in the past , but anyone who knows us knows we would never write these things, I would never say I buy my cakes at Walmart or I am Wonderwoman!’
They're welcome to do whatever they think is necessary to help their business, but this loving ode to Amy and Samy by the folks at the Daily Mail (filled with images more images of the pair than a Denny's menu has pictures of bacon) isn't going to help anyone.
Oh, and one last bit: if you were holding out to buy ABC swag, you've got an opportunity.
‘We’re printing T-shirts that say ‘I survived Amy’s Baking Company’, ‘Here’s your pizza, go f**k yourself’','I'm the Gangster, and' I speak Feline, MEOW!!' We’re making cherry lemonade out of lemons. Never in my life would I have thought the show would launch us into this kind of stratosphere.