by David Mendez
The monstrosity seen above is known as "Big Bella" (because "Stupid Crap Launcher" was already taken by the fans in the End Zone seating sections at the Philadelphia Eagles' home stadium). It weighs more than 600 pounds, and can launch 100 shirts in one minute.
Apparently, Big Bella is just one option in the Sixers' multi-pronged plan to transform professional basketball into the sideshow at what has become a carnival of frivolity — according to a press release sent out by the Sixers, "the team will also drop T-shirts, free game tickets and other promotional items from the rafters of the Wells Fargo Center down to fans below in a new themed 'Sixers Parachute Drop.'"
Spectacular. As a Suns fan, I almost wish they had brought a similar concept to Phoenix. After all, I'll need something to convince me that it's a good idea to watch Goran Dragic and the Ramblers on their chase toward a lottery pick in the NBA Draft this year....not that I'm bitter, or anything.
For more on "Big Bella," head over to Sixers.com; for the best commentary on the aforementioned Giant Distraction, check out Gawker's take, entitled "Philly Unveils World’s Largest T-Shirt Cannon; Haters Crying Themselves to Sleep; They Literally Cannot Believe It."