by Dan Gibson
Jack Kerouac tried to convince Marlon Brando to play Dean Moriarty in a film version of On The Road back in 1957, and that misstep kicked off 55 years of attempts to turn the classic road trip novel into a movie. There's reason to believe the version coming out on May 23rd might be ok (the director Walter Salles is obsessed with the book, requiring the cast to attend a "beatnik boot camp" before filming), but the trailer isn't terribly inspiring, seeming to just assemble a bunch of period cliches together with a quick glimpse implying Kristen Stewart will be seen topless at some point, which is apparently a selling point for some people. I suppose as a fan of the book, I'm not quite ready for the Twilighting of Dean Moriarty, and if the book has been seen as unfilimable for decades, maybe there's a reason. I'm hoping to be pleasantly surprised.
However, no matter how misguided and off the mark that film adaption might be, it could always be worse, as Mike Lacher's full-length Axe Body Spray inspired parody, On The Bro'd proves. A selection:
A raw fucking thing happened when Dean met Carlo Marx. Two total players that they are, they took to each other at the drop of a hat. Two hardcore eyes glanced into two hardcore eyes- the Natty-slugging player with the lacrosse shorts, and the MGD-chugging player with the popped collar that is Carlo Marx. From that moment on I saw very little of Dean, and I was a little sorry too. Their energies fucking tangled (no homo), I was a prude compared, I couldn’t shotgun PBRs as fast as them.