Other Films (Not) Opening This Summer

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This week's cover story is film critic James DiGiovanna's Summer Movie Preview, a look at what will be hitting screens this season, the good, the bad, and the latest Transformers film. However, James is nice enough to go beyond previewing what movies actually exist and extends into what movies won't be coming out this summer. Here's his list of what you won't be seeing this year:

• Milk II: Harvey's Revenge


• An Inconvenient True Grit


• Water for Heffalumps


• Fasixt and Furiousix Six: Part Six

• Predator vs. Hello Kitty


• Thor II: More Thor!


• Couch: The Motion Picture


Experience in 3-D


• iPad: The Movie


• Birth Certificate II: The Long Form


• The Shining II: The Sheening


• Race-Baiting Arizona


• The King's Peach


• Focker Punch


• Madea's Big Happy Sex Change


• Shreks and the City


• Hannah Montana: The Bong Rip


• Mamma Mia II: Grandmamma Mia


• The Bucket List II: The Funeral Arrangements


• Forgetting Sarah Palin


• Burn After Reading II: Burp After Eating


• Baby Mamma Mia


• Hancock II: Hanballs


• Beowulf II: The Grendeling


• The Passion of the Christ II: The Fast and the Crucifix


• The Day After Tomorrow II: The Yesterday Before Today


• The Da Vinci Code Episode IV: A New Pope


• Dumb and Dumber Episode IV: A New Dope


• Twilight Episode IV: A New Mope


• Rope Episode IV: A New Rope


• Fight Club Episode IV: A New Soap


• Saving Paul Ryan's Privatization Plan


• There Will Be Blood II:


There Has Been Hemorrhaging


• No Country for Snow Men


• Tyler Perry's Shameless Cash Cow


• The Batman Who Shot Liberty Valance


• The Spiderman Who Would Be King


• The Superman of La Mancha


• Abbottabad and Costello Meet the Terror Cell


• Aliens vs. Arpaio


• Terminator IV: Baby Mama


• Like Water for Cocoa Puffs


• The Day the Earth Stood Me Up


• He's Just Not That Into Bruce


• I Am Legend II: I Am Pretty Well Known


• Will Smith's Big Smiley Face and Funny Shoulder Twitch/Head • Bob Movie Experience


• My Big Fat Greek Financial Crisis


• Apollo 13 Part II: Apollo 26


• Angry, Angry Birds vs Hungry, Hungry Hippos


• Product: The Motion Picture


• An Inconvenient Tooth


• The Good, the Batman, and the Ugly


• Old TV Show: The Movie


• Remake Part II


• Abe Lincoln, Vampire Lover


• Nothing but Tits and Explosions: Episode I

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