Tiger Woods Coming to Town: Hide Your Wives, and Grab Your Handkerchiefs

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An honored guest is putting into town next week, but instead of tea and crumpets, we might need to break out the handkerchiefs and chastity belts.

Consider yourself warned Tigers coming to town.

Tiger Woods is coming to Marana.

Woods’ website schedule says he’ll be attending the Accenture Match Play Championships at Marana’s Ritz-Carlton Golf Club. The tournament runs from Feb. 23 to 27.

Although his reputation nose-dived from a top-notch golfer to a first-class cheater, Woods still fuels the general public with much fascination, much in the same way we can’t stop staring at car wreck or a big, fat zit.

Expect traffic delays.

Even people who are not fans of golf have come to appreciate Woods for his public displays. Seeing him in action can provide hours of entertainment since we never know what he’ll come up with next.

One of his most recent antics was spitting on the 12th green during the final round of the Dubai Desert Classic, the Los Angeles Times reports.

Here’s where our handkerchiefs come into play.

The act of hurling a wad of spit onto a pristine green during a public tournament not only horrified at least one sportscaster, but also merited Woods a monetary fine. The European Tour slapped him with the fine for breaching the tour’s code of ethics.

As if Woods would know about ethics. His more notorious claim to fame, of course, is the 120 women with whom he allegedly cheated while married to Elin Nordegren.

The exciting public display in the scandal came to a head Nov. 27, 2009, when Woods smashed his SUV into a fire hydrant in the middle of the night. Nordegren had reportedly shattered the vehicle’s back window with, quite ironically, a golf club.

Some say she broke the glass to help him get out of the locked SUV. Those are the same folks who were probably moved by—or even believed—Woods’ tear-stocked public apology when the cheating scandal broke.

Here’s the other place to whip out our handkerchiefs.

Woods fall from grace is not entirely his fault, those same folks argue. They claim Americans were putting his whole life on a pedestal when we should have just focused on his golf game rather than his personal business.

While that theory does have a ring of common sense, it also takes all the fun out of it. Scandal-plagued careers are much more exciting to track than those stocked only with victories. It makes us feel good to know we are not the only ones who can really screw things up.

We even have the advantage when it comes to faux pas: ours are much easier to sweep beneath the rug.

When someone like Woods messes up, it also proves these bigger-than-life personas are, at their very core, simply human. No matter how wonderful their minds or adoring fans might tell them they are, they are really not holier than thou.

They can share the same twisted thinking, the same lack of respect and the same bad spitting habits as the guy, or gal, next door.

Thus we look forward to Tiger’s arrival. It’s big fun to have notorious folks in town.

Just take a gander at how Dillinger and his gang really spruced things up.
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Ryn Gargulinski, aka Rynski, is a writer, artist, performer and poet. Her radio show airs every Wednesday and her column appears every Friday. See more writing and art from RYNdustries at ryngargulinski.com and rynski.etsy.com.

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