by Dan Gibson
Few people do "angry about everything" quite like Deadspin's Drew Magary, so when he takes on the more painful aspects of the Christmas season, just enjoy the ride:
9. Ribbons On Gifts
Say, this is a nice gift I've wrapped for my Dad. You know what would make it even nicer? If I cinched it up with surprisingly sturdy ribbon that cost a buck at CVS and makes the present 572 percent harder to open. Watch with joy as your loved ones try to slide the ribbon off the gift only to have it jussst fail to reach the corner of the gift! Then watch them mangle the corner of the gift as they try and push the shithead ribbon off for good before yelling out FUCK and going for the scissors! Look, everyone hates wrapping gifts. But that's a fact of life. But ribbons are a completely unnecessary hindrance. We don't need them. Furthermore, I have never once in life properly calibrated the amount of ribbon needed to go around the gift twice before coming back and making a pretty bow. This is why Barnes & Noble puts a sticker on your shit when they gift wrap it. Speaking of which…
10. Surcharges For Gift Wrapping
FUCK. YOU. You're lucky I even went shopping this year, retailers of America. WRAP IT UP.