by Jim Nintzel
Project White House has its first candidate!
For those who came in late: Last week, TW debuted Project White House, a foray into Reality Journalism that’s encouraging readers to launch their own campaign for president.
It turns out that all you have to do to get your name on Arizona's Feb. 5 presidential primary ballot is fill out a form that’s we’ve conveniently posted here. Feel free to download it, get it notarized and send it to Arizona Secretary of State Jan Brewer.
But if you want us to cover your campaign, you should send us your platform—even if it’s nothing more than an essay of 250 words or less about why you’re seeking the White House—by Friday, Dec. 7. Then our judges will decide whether we consider you newsworthy.
If we like what you’ve got to say, we’ll cover your campaign and even notarize your nomination for free!
Our first contestant is Robert Mac, a comedian who calls Tucson home when he’s not out on the stand-up circuit.
Mac sent the following to Project White House:
Why I Want to Run for President
By Robert Mac (age 39 and a half) (almost)
The other day, my mom Pat came down to the garage even though she’s not allowed to without permission, and we were watching the news from Washington and she said at this rate I'm smart enough to be president. Why would she say that? Well, I’m always thinking about problems—I’m a problem thinker and I have the doctor’s note to prove it. And I’m old enough to be president: I’m 39 and a half almost.
I have a lot of good ideas. My brain is so dense with ideas. I don’t want to make it sound like I’m bragging, but I’m probably the densest candidate ever.
For instance, I know how to solve the immigration problem once and for all. My “Shorter Border Order” will bring income into our country AND make the border easier to protect. It’ll kill two birds with one stone. That’s just one idea.
My war plan will make fighting the war easier AND cheaper. I just killed another two birds.
I have simple plans to reduce global warming (everyone needs to run their air conditioning all the time with their windows open—doy!), fix the health care system, and scare away terrorists.
Plus, my Alaskan Energy Conservation plan will both supply oil AND get oil-producing countries off our back. Two more birds!
In summary, my mom Pat is right. I’m going to be a great president. So, vote for me: I kill birds!
Mac will be launching his campaign as part of this weekend’s Comedy Fiasco, which features a Christmas 2008 theme. (“Only 389 shopping days left. Standup, skits, songs, game shows with prizes and possible humiliation.”)
You should so totally go check out his act at 6:30 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 1, at Club Congress, 311 E. Congress St. Tickets are just $7.
And in the meantime, launch your own campaign with Project White House! E-mail us at ProjectWhiteHouse@tucsonweekly.com or drop a package into the mail to P.O. Box 27087, Tucson, AZ 85726.
Run, You, Run!