by Jimmy Boegle
-- Have you ever gone to a fast-food restaurant, when all you wanted was a cup of coffee? And there was only one register open, but fortunately, only one group of two people was in line ahead of you? But these people acted as if they had never been to that restaurant before, even though PRACTICALLY EVERYONE ON THE PLANET has been to this restaurant before? And they asked the employee person all sorts of questions about what was in the various food, and then had to do heavy consultations with each other to make the vexing decision of whether or not they wanted a combo? And meanwhile, you're standing there, holding two one-dollar bills, just wanting to PAY AND GET THE FARGING COFFEE CUP SO YOU CAN GET THE SELF-SERVE COFFEE, AND LEAVE?
-- And then you remember that the only reason you're at this fast-food restaurant is because you were at a coffee house earlier, on the way to work? And you ordered a soy latte? And they were out of soy? Which is annoying and stupid, but thank HEAVENS you're not lactose intolerant, so you order the latte with regular milk? And they ask you if you want whole or skim? But you really prefer 1 or 2 percent, so you say, not thinking: "I prefer 2 percent, so could you give me half and half," meaning half whole and half skim? But they end up apparently using HALF AND HALF? But you realize this too late, as you're driving down the road, just before some dickwad pulls in front of you, making you brake hard, causing the orange juice you got for a co-worker to spill all over the farging place?
-- So, back at the fast-food restaurant, you finally pay for your coffee? And you get 50 cents in change? And it is PRIMARILY IN NICKELS?
-- That's your Wednesday Morning News Update.