by Jimmy Boegle
-- Heavy rains have battered the central portion of town, whereas the southside has received jack squat. And there's a flash-flood warning out, so don't be 'illin in washes, yo.
-- A bird somehow got in the door and is flitting around the Weekly World Central offices.
-- Michael Jackson is reportedly shocked by gay porn. (You can make your own joke here.)
-- The next time you're at a baseball game, be aware of a fondling frog.