WHO AM I?
JULY 15, 4:30 P.M.
A woman who threatened to blow up a gas station told deputies investigating the threat that she had forgotten her name, but demanded that they take her to prison, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
A Circle K manager called 911 to report that a "possibly stoned" woman was loitering at the convenience store and refused to leave. She was now smoking by the gas pumps and had just stated, "I will blow up the fuel pump and I don't care if I die." When the manager threatened to call 911, she allegedly said, "Go ahead."
When deputies arrived, the woman, who was wearing a turquoise dress, two pairs of sweatpants and socks without shoes, asked them "What the fuck do you want?"
The deputies told her they wanted information about the situation, but instead of explaining, she demanded they take her to prison. She then insisted she had forgotten her name, saying later that she had six different names she commonly used.
The woman was handcuffed and placed in a patrol vehicle, where she mumbled obscenities after declaring that she wasn't suicidal and didn't want to hurt anyone. She was jailed on suspicion of criminal trespassing.
FROM UNPOKED TO IN THE POKEY
JULY 20, 10:32 P.M.
A woman got drunk at a barbecue and let everyone know that she hadn't been laid in eight years, but that if she did have sex with anyone, it would be with her husband despite his alleged threat to stab her with a fork, a PCSD report said.
The husband called 911 and said his wife was "going crazy" at the barbecue, "making up stories" and cursing at everyone. "If no one comes and chills her out, then I will chill her out myself," he declared.
The obviously intoxicated wife told deputies that her husband had accused her of having sex with a neighbor and had mockingly invited barbecue guests to "fuck her."
The woman said she then told everyone that although she hadn't had intercourse in eight years, she would only do it with her husband of 15 years.
She also told deputies that her husband had threatened to stab her with a fork. The husband said he'd been 30 feet away from her when he was holding the fork, and that he was only using it to poke at some chicken.
The wife admitted to deputies that she'd been drinking peppermint schnapps. She also asserted, "Every police contact (I've) had ... (I've) lied to them, but this time I am telling the truth."
A witness affirmed that the wife caused a major scene at the barbecue, including cursing out a woman who had approached her husband for bus money.
The wife was taken to jail. The husband told deputies he was planning to leave her in two weeks.